Zombie Fortress Planning

Every month, we look forward to receiving our Loot Crate. A friend from EverQuest told us all of the things she got from one of the crates, so we checked it out and have been hooked ever since. For those not familiar, Loot Crate is a monthly subscription service that sends a box of themed, geeky goodies to your house. They announce the theme each month, but the contents are always a surprise.

We have gotten some really fun things from them. They frequently send geeky T-shirts, Funko Pop! figures, and other geek paraphernalia. A few of my favorites have been: a Doc Brown from Back to the Future Pop! figure; a T-shirt of Optimus Prime in the style of Tron; a Galaxy Quest National Space Exploration Administration (NSEA) patch; and a White/Green Ranger from Power Rangers T-shirt. Amanda really liked the Star Wars: The Force Awakens socks; the Doctor Who sonic spork; and a knit Pikachu hat with Pokeballs on tassels.

They also have a very active community. Each month as part of the crate and on their site, they feature fan-sumbitted pictures of people with random previous Loot Crate merchandise. They also run contests for various prizes, which is what piqued our interest this month. This month’s theme is DEAD! It’s almost Valentine’s Day and nothing says “love” quite like the undead. Or something like that. Anyway, the contest they are running this month is to submit a design for your ultimate zombie hideout. That sounded like a fun date night to us.

For this thought experiment, we decided that we had unlimited funds. Go big or go home. The first thing we needed was location, location, location. If you’re going to be stuck in one place, hiding from zombies, unable to leave because the undead want to eat your brains, what’s the best place you could think of to be stuck? We debated living in the mountains for an easily defensible position with a good view. We debated the plains for ease of travel in case we were going to get overrun. But, we decided that our location would be on our own private tropical island with a tall hill/mountain in the center with a fresh-water lake somewhere on the hillside. Does it exist? Maybe, maybe not. But with unlimited funds, we could make it exist.

Next up, we need a really strong home base. Our home base will sit near the top of the mountain. Since we’re on a tropical island, we assume we’re going to be getting the occasional tropical storm. The house needs to withstand the winds, not flood from the rains, and keep us safe in the process. If it can withstand a tropical storm, it should be able to withstand the undead. Since we’re going big, our walls will be two parts. For the inner layer, we will use thick reinforced concrete, treated to be water resistant. For the outer layer, we will use thick granite blocks, both to improve the look of the exterior as well as to improve our defense. Let’s see a zombie claw his way through a slab of granite. We are going to have a slightly trapezoidal house, with the top slightly out further than the base to resist climbing. That should be a really good foundation for our house.

Near the house will be our main garden. Our growing season should be fairly long, so keeping ourselves in food shouldn’t be too much of an issue. We will also raise chickens to have eggs. We will keep a seed bank stocked up with multiple years of replant seeds, plus save seeds from the harvest year to year.

On to external security. Since we have the tropical island, we want to be able to use the beaches, so we’ll build our external security wall a little ways inland from the edge of the beach. This will extend 5-10 feet into the ground and at least 15 feet above it. This will be designed like a castle wall with a parapet to give us a walkway across the top to survey the perimeter, as well as defend it. Just below the parapet, we will run razor wire along the entire outer perimeter. There will be a few gates to allow us to get in and out of the outer wall at set distances, and these will all be heavily reinforced. We will then build a few sets of thick chain-link fences all the way around the island to give us a few fallback points, with the fence nearest the house being electrified.

Electricity. Power. We need that. Being in the tropics means lots of sun, so solar power is an obvious solution. We will have a main and a backup battery bank to store the energy we don’t immediately use. We will also have a few small wind turbines to borrow some energy from the breeze. As a last resort, as part of the house, we will put a couple of exercise bike generators to give us exercise and charge the batteries. Yeah, it’s not much power, but some is better than none. We’ll use the highest efficiency appliances, electronics, and lighting that are available to reduce our power needs. We will also need that for the communications gear that we will have.

What good zombie plan doesn’t include a massively fortified bunker? We know ours does. Underground, built into the mountain, but connected to the house through a nicely concealed trap door will be our last-resort bunker. This is where we will keep our backup food and water stores, our backup battery bank, two backup copies of all necessary equipment, and a spare comfortable living area, just in case. With all of the other fortifications, we should never need this, but better safe than sorry.

Finally, since we’ll be stuck indoors sometimes, we need an amazing entertainment room. We’ll stock it with every movie, TV show, and book every made. We’ll have a giant projector to watch movies on a big screen, and have comfy chairs to watch from. We’ll also stock it with a huge selection of tabletop games and puzzles to keep ourselves entertained.

Wow, that’s a pretty solid start. Oh, to only have unlimited funds. This date night was a lot of fun because it kept us talking and bouncing ideas off each other for as long as we decided to continue.

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